This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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