my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
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