At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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