i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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