Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
