I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
