A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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