i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
