made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
