The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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