At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
