I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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