I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
