Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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