i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
