I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
