At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
