I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
