i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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