Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize