I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
