TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
