Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
