he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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