she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
