sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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