why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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