is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
