Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
