Sponge bath it is.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
