I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
