i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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