do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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