I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
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