The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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