some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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