like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
