how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
