I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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