why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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