My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
