why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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