If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
