During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
