Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize