I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
