you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
