Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
