it was like his penis was on wheels.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
