mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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