just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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