That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
