Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
