She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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