i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
