he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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