And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
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i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
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