the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
