I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
