trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Randomize
