Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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