i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
