I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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