i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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