She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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