listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
