I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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