Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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