Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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