Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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