How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
